Before you can have happiness in relationships, you have to evaluate a few things.

First, you need to understand whom you are dealing with before you get involved with a man. Part of the process is identifying whom do they spend most of their time. Friends influence friends…I think we all know this.

Focusing on your soon-to-be-man friends is an area often overlooked by many women. If you know the person you are interested in hangs out with people that you wouldn’t want your man to hang out with, but those are his friends, what makes you think he will leave them for you? Would you leave your friends to be with a man?

Your best shot is to find a man who has friends you wouldn’t mind coming over to the house. You should not be ashamed to have him be with his friends. You should be able to have a conversation with them in his absence.

In other words, his friends should be people who are positive influences on him…people that are striving for similar goals, share similar beliefs and values.

On a separate piece of paper, you should list the name of your man and his friends, what you like or dislike, and what information you need to learn more about them.

It can be similar to the outline below.

Name:
Likes:
Dislikes:
Need more info on:

It’s important that you use the information about his friends and discuss it with him.

Make sure you don’t indicate these items as concerns. Let him know you need some clarification on a few things. Do not use the word dislike when you talk about his friends.

Get as much history on the family and try to see how your potential man interacts with his family. The family situation will tell you a lot about the man.

Find out if he is close to his mother. Not being close to his mother is not an indication that he is not a good man.

Sometimes mothers are very nosey and he may be distant to keep his business to himself. But, it doesn’t mean that he does not love his mother.

Was the father in the house when he was growing up? How is that relationship? Did he have positive role models in his early years? These are the things you need to identify before you consider a man as a potential mate.

There isn’t a right or wrong answer! It’s either what you can live with, live without and/or what meets your needs.

Finally, what is he doing to better himself? Does he have goals? Unfortunately, many men are good at playing games with women, so it will take a while before you can identify if he is serious or not.

Believe it or not, a man’s ultimate dream is to find that one woman with whom he can share the journey to a successful life with. Don’t take my word; ask any good man you may come across.

On the same piece of paper you used to learn more about his friends, I want you to list the goals your man or potential man has for himself.

Once you have these goals listed, the next step is to ask yourself the following questions. It is very important you answer them honestly. Failing to do so will hurt you in the future.

  1. Do you feel he is doing what he needs to do to achieve his goals?
  2. Based on your knowledge, are the goals he wants to achieve his goals or is he trying to please someone else and doing what they want him to do?
  3. What do you feel he should do to achieve his goals?

Take time to sit down with your man and discuss each other’s goals. Make sure to bring up problems you’re dealing with regarding your goals. Let him know, if it’s true, that you struggle to achieve your goals too!

If you find others influence your man to the point where he doesn’t think for himself, then it’s time for you to leave or make him a project! The choice is yours!

As you can see, happiness in relationships is not that difficult to achieve. I just takes a little work on your part.

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Filed under: Purpose of Relationships

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